Behind the Fridge

Great expectations.  They’re what we all feel.  That is, they’re what we all feel squeezed and grounded and shot at and cut up by in our everyday life.  Don’t get me wrong, high expectations are good, motivation is good, but to only have people expect the best and nothing less from you or anyone else is not good. 

Expectations start young.  We’ve seen it on news channels when crazy parents yell and even attack coaches and referees because their kid didn’t get to play or messed up.  Parents, schools, and society all pressure us to be the best and get the most.  To get the best grades.  To do the most community service.  To be in the most clubs.  To earn the most awards.  The problem is, no one can do that.  It’s a good thing to participate in all this, but not at the level many people push.  So, we feel like we must succeed or die trying, we end up dying.  Trust me, it’s a slow, painful death too.  Stress builds up immensely from these pressures throughout our high school years and continues on through college.

WebMD says that ”Students are put in a position of feeling they just must not stop.  They are not given a sense of support.  They are put in an environment where they are not accepted for themselves but only for what they are going to achieve.  All this builds stress.”   I’ve felt as if I could not stop, because to stop would be to fail, or at least get a B-, which often seems unacceptable.   WebMD goes on to say that “Parents are too often very preoccupied with seeing their children succeed and intolerant of anything other than excellence…We as schools and we as parents need to remind ourselves that sustained excellence is not natural.  It is not how we ourselves operate.”  In other words no one is perfect, therefore no one should expect perfection.  I am blessed with parents who do encourage and support and accept my best-whatever it may be.  However, many people are not.

Many websites that try to curb this phenomenon of stress contain “stress management tips,” like one on about.com that offers such advice as time management, organization, sleep, study skills, and my favorite-visualization.  That’s right.  To reduce stress, imagine yourself “achieving your goals.”  Unfortunatly, if our goals are outrageously high for ourselves, we will still never achieve them, leading to more stress from our repeated failures. 

I propose a different form of stress relief.  Realistic, challenging expectations.

The North Central Regional Educational Laboratory concurs: “Schools that establish high expectations for all students–and provide the support necessary to achieve these expectations–have high rates of academic success.”  High expectations (and help that comes with it) are good.  Think of all the students who were ignored all their lives.  Think of all those who were looked at as dropouts-before they ever thought of dropping out.  Think of how much a high, or even a low, expectation could have helped them. 

At the same time, people must not expect too much.  No one expects the next president of the United States to come out of a special education class.  Realistic expectations help kids to not feel like total failures.  For example, if you’re told your whole life that you could be an astronaut…but flunk out of college-not because you didn’t study-but because you just weren’t smart enough, how would you feel?  I would guess a little like a complete and utter failure.

Educators should not dumb down the curriculum to make students feel like they are succeeding, nor should they expect success in all areas of teenage life, whether sports, academics, or community service.  They should put the curriculum and their expectations at a level that tests them without tearing them to shreds.  A level that challenges students.  A level that is realistic to individual students.  That is the level we need.